Dogs have long been considered man’s best friend. They’re loyal companions that come in a wide variety of breeds, but if you’re looking for a teacup buddy here, you’re barking up the wrong tree. All dogs are good dogs, and even Disney agrees that they deserve to go to heaven, but if we had our pick of the litter, these would be the breeds that separate the men from the pups in terms of size, trainability, and all around good natured companionship.


Preferred Climate: Mild

Contrary to popular belief, not all big dogs like to throw their weight around. In fact, Bullmastiffs are quite content to Netflix and chill at its owner’s command without putting up much of a fuss. Their bulky weight, fierce loyalty, and easy confidence make them great guard dogs, but for apartment dwellers, the best, and perhaps only, reason for choosing one is its relatively quiet nature. There’s no such thing as incessant barking from this breed, but if it happens, it’s probably a good idea to heed the warning. It’s for these reasons, coupled with the fact that they don’t mind a little alone time, that makes the Bullmastiff a solid addition to any bachelor pad where low maintenance is a priority.

Irish Setter

Preferred Climate: Mild/Cool

The Irish Setter is pretty much just a happy go lucky frat boy with a penchant for chasing that other word for cat (and any other small critters). Unlike the mastiff, it needs plenty of wide-open spaces to run freely and will constantly talk back, even if it’s not being spoken to. He gets along great with kids and will spend hours tuckering out your little ones if you let him. The Irish Setter is exploratory by nature, so when it calls, be sure to give him plenty of time to sniff around and enjoy the smells. Also, don’t be afraid to take him trekking out into the vast wilderness or on camping trips to new areas – both he and your adventurous side will thank you.


Preferred Climate: Mild

Boxers are the best bros a man could ever ask for. They’re extremely social and will follow an owner from room to room just to be apart of whatever is going on. While small apartments won’t throw this playful pup off its game, Boxers do need an active partner. Their energy levels never really peak past puppyhood, so be sure to have plenty of time for toys and activities if this is a breed you’re looking into.

Australian Shepherd

Preferred Climate: Any

Australian Shepherds are working dogs that aren’t afraid to put in a little overtime with the family. It’s an athletic breed that’s as brainy as it is loyal, which makes it a perfect companion for just about any household with a little room to breathe. His temperament can be a bit pushy but a firm tone and steady leadership will easily find alpha status in this dog’s eyes.

Bernese Mountain Dog

Preferred Climate: Cold

Bernese Mountain Dogs are big. Like leap grown men in a single bound, big, so to keep one locked up in a tiny apartment is a major no-no. The first two years of its life are dedicated to playing, but after that, they tend to calm down quite a bit. Berneses were bred to be farmhands and can easily pull carts up to 1k pounds, but unlike the Aussie, they’re also content to just hang back and become a willing participant in a more docile family setting. They do shed a lot, but a good brushing and weekly bath is about all the grooming he needs.

Rhodesian Ridgeback

Preferred Climate: Any

The Rhodesian Ridgeback is quite possibly the closest thing to a Navy seal to walk on four legs. It’s an amazingly courageous breed that will not only look danger square in the eye, but run towards it if it meant protecting his home. For that reason alone, the Rhodesian makes for a great companion. They’re extremely adaptive to living spaces and won’t put up much of a fuss if trained properly from a young age. An active lifestyle is key to this breed’s health and happiness, though, and running 30 miles in a single spell is not outside of its comfort zone. Athletes do well with this dog, and while older children aren’t a problem for his temperament, toddlers may find the Ridgeback a bit too strong willed and boisterous. This is a dog that was literally bred to chase off lions, so before you start setting up a space for this badass canine, ask yourself, are you man enough to handle this level of alpha? Because where the Ridgeback is concerned, there can only be one.


Looking for a dog-gone good time? Follow Anthony Nelson's Twitter, it's bark is contained in 140 character bytes.


A game designed to keep you in touch with cross-country friends without actually having to call a m’fucka. The rules are as simple as getting inebriated itself, and the wait time is no worse than being a single dude ordering from the bar.

  So a few days max.

So a few days max.

Gather your long distance pals and figure out who will buy the first round – however you do this is up to you and your mates. A round consists of one package per bro, don’t worry, we’ll elaborate on this later. Brews with Bros works best with a minimum of 3 players, but why stop there? The more the merrier, besides, it’s not sad drinking alone if you know you’ve got a few friends wasting their lives too.

1. Buy Buds Beer

Beer Bitch being decided it’s time to begin. As the title implies, BB buys buds beer. Two beers per bud, what are you, some kind of anti-bro cheapskate? Aim for quality here; give the gift of new experiences. Found a little brewery that makes a stellar stout? Send it. Recently got into IPA’s and your crew consists of lads for lagers? Mix it up, cause like that time I got drunk and decided to do some gardening by trying to rip a shrub up with my bare hands or when my roommate and I forayed into the strange world of downstairs Rubbermaid racing, I feel that drinking should be a learning experience. Take this time to share more than bad decisions with your bros.

  Last one to finish has to eat this roll of nickels, yeah!!

Last one to finish has to eat this roll of nickels, yeah!!

2. Send Suds

This is where being Beer Bitch really chaps ass, namely because if you’re like me then pulling your wallet out over and over to pay for rounds can be a chafing experience. However you shouldn’t mope, Beer Bitch, you’ve got better things to do. Like, buy the next round.

Once you’ve done your duty and gathered the required amount of brews for your bros package them up and send them. Be discreet or use an online service like the Saucey App if you live in LA. Look, there’s no amount of words I can use to flower this up, just do your damned job and get the brews to your bros ASAP, otherwise we all know what’ll happen.

  It’ll magically turn into champagne and who wants that?

It’ll magically turn into champagne and who wants that?

3. Picture the Pint

I have a sneaking suspicion that those who find this game to be any bit entertaining also has an artistic flare, hence the free time and lack of funds to actually go through with it. Never fret though; this is where that art degree comes in handy. Alls you gotta do is snap a shot of you enjoying said suds. Take a hike, you say? Yes, and bring the beer.

Be creative. A friend once told me how he was forced to a pitch meeting at a company that was looking to open a new account with his firm. They were selling toner. Sounds terrible, right? That’s also what my friend thought, so instead of being sober he sneaked in a couple of beers and took discreet sips whenever the sales guy mentioned their slogan. Of course, my elegant response to this was “Pics or it didn’t happen”. So get out there, snap the shot and get your friends’ adoring approval while sharing something beautiful.

  Although sex does sell .

Although sex does sell.

4. Dude’s Democracy

Bang the gavel. Hell, bang whatever you’d like you sick bros, court is now in session. This is where you post the pic of you adoring your amber, diddling your draft, serenading your stout. You get the drift. Submit the pic via your bros’ Instagram/Twitter/FB, whatever. The person with the least amount of likes loses! You can't vote on your own though, this ain't the US Congress.

  Thanks Obama.

Thanks Obama.

5. Loser Laments-- and posts next round.

Quit yer bitchin’ aptly named Beer BitchYou lost. Suck it up and face the consequences like a man called Beer Bitch. Now it’s your turn to buy & send the next round. You have 2 weeks.

  Or I will find you… and I will bill you for the round.

Or I will find you… and I will bill you for the round.

6. Sudden Death

In the case of a tie, break glass. In other words, tied members running in last must crack the seal on their second beer and repeat with all other buds free to vote their favorite. Each round lasts a month beginning as soon as all buds’ brews are touched down and accounted for. Here’s a rough timetable:

1st week: Get your pics in order.

2nd week: Submissions. Friday is Election Day.

3rd week is reserved for any and all lighting round submissions. If none are had then proceed you over achieving drunks.

4th week: Gods shall rest and Beer Bitch shall post next round.

If you're into being drunk and making bad decisions why not follow Anthony Nelson on Twitter? You got nothing to lose but a little dignity.