BREWS WITH BROS

A game designed to keep you in touch with cross-country friends without actually having to call a m’fucka. The rules are as simple as getting inebriated itself, and the wait time is no worse than being a single dude ordering from the bar.

So a few days max.

So a few days max.

Gather your long distance pals and figure out who will buy the first round – however you do this is up to you and your mates. A round consists of one package per bro, don’t worry, we’ll elaborate on this later. Brews with Bros works best with a minimum of 3 players, but why stop there? The more the merrier, besides, it’s not sad drinking alone if you know you’ve got a few friends wasting their lives too.

1. Buy Buds Beer

Beer Bitch being decided it’s time to begin. As the title implies, BB buys buds beer. Two beers per bud, what are you, some kind of anti-bro cheapskate? Aim for quality here; give the gift of new experiences. Found a little brewery that makes a stellar stout? Send it. Recently got into IPA’s and your crew consists of lads for lagers? Mix it up, cause like that time I got drunk and decided to do some gardening by trying to rip a shrub up with my bare hands or when my roommate and I forayed into the strange world of downstairs Rubbermaid racing, I feel that drinking should be a learning experience. Take this time to share more than bad decisions with your bros.

Last one to finish has to eat this roll of nickels, yeah!!

Last one to finish has to eat this roll of nickels, yeah!!

2. Send Suds

This is where being Beer Bitch really chaps ass, namely because if you’re like me then pulling your wallet out over and over to pay for rounds can be a chafing experience. However you shouldn’t mope, Beer Bitch, you’ve got better things to do. Like, buy the next round.

Once you’ve done your duty and gathered the required amount of brews for your bros package them up and send them. Be discreet or use an online service like the Saucey App if you live in LA. Look, there’s no amount of words I can use to flower this up, just do your damned job and get the brews to your bros ASAP, otherwise we all know what’ll happen.

It’ll magically turn into champagne and who wants that?

It’ll magically turn into champagne and who wants that?

3. Picture the Pint

I have a sneaking suspicion that those who find this game to be any bit entertaining also has an artistic flare, hence the free time and lack of funds to actually go through with it. Never fret though; this is where that art degree comes in handy. Alls you gotta do is snap a shot of you enjoying said suds. Take a hike, you say? Yes, and bring the beer.

Be creative. A friend once told me how he was forced to a pitch meeting at a company that was looking to open a new account with his firm. They were selling toner. Sounds terrible, right? That’s also what my friend thought, so instead of being sober he sneaked in a couple of beers and took discreet sips whenever the sales guy mentioned their slogan. Of course, my elegant response to this was “Pics or it didn’t happen”. So get out there, snap the shot and get your friends’ adoring approval while sharing something beautiful.

Although sex does sell.

Although sex does sell.

4. Dude’s Democracy

Bang the gavel. Hell, bang whatever you’d like you sick bros, court is now in session. This is where you post the pic of you adoring your amber, diddling your draft, serenading your stout. You get the drift. Submit the pic via your bros’ Instagram/Twitter/FB, whatever. The person with the least amount of likes loses! You can't vote on your own though, this ain't the US Congress.

Thanks Obama.

Thanks Obama.

5. Loser Laments-- and posts next round.

Quit yer bitchin’ aptly named Beer BitchYou lost. Suck it up and face the consequences like a man called Beer Bitch. Now it’s your turn to buy & send the next round. You have 2 weeks.

Or I will find you… and I will bill you for the round.

Or I will find you… and I will bill you for the round.

6. Sudden Death

In the case of a tie, break glass. In other words, tied members running in last must crack the seal on their second beer and repeat with all other buds free to vote their favorite. Each round lasts a month beginning as soon as all buds’ brews are touched down and accounted for. Here’s a rough timetable:

1st week: Get your pics in order.

2nd week: Submissions. Friday is Election Day.

3rd week is reserved for any and all lighting round submissions. If none are had then proceed you over achieving drunks.

4th week: Gods shall rest and Beer Bitch shall post next round.

If you're into being drunk and making bad decisions why not follow Anthony Nelson on Twitter? You got nothing to lose but a little dignity.